I haven't posted on this blog since I moved in with Psycho Knight. It's time to get back to it. I moved in about 3 months ago and now I am a housewife. Kind of.
So when the Summer months brought heat and humidity we remembered that we had to get the air conditioner fixed. But until the matinece man could get there we needed at least 1 cool room in the house. My parents brought out a window unit for our room so that we could at least all sleep comfortably.
The window in our room is right by our bed and I hadn't even thought to straighten up first. On top of there being clothes all over our room, some of our sex toys were still out. My dad got to see the Sex Bible, a riding crop, a vibrator (I think), and a system of ropes tied to our bed. He only commented on the bible, but he had to have noticed the rest.
I wouldn't be as embarrassed about it except for the fact that we have a kinky sex life, and I don't mean just the normal light spanking kind of kink. My parents are way too liberal and we ended up talking about how the sex bible is realyl too tame for us and not creative enough for our tastes.
A few days later i get a call from my mom talking aobut this guy who can actually tie celtic knots and they are really pretty. I googled this guy and realized that i had watched some of his videos with PK about more useful knot tying. It turns out he does 2 kinds of business.
At some point I think it's possible to be too close to your parents.
Swt
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Mourning What Was
Ok, so it sounds like something or someone died. That really isn't the case. Before I start, you need to know that Psycho Knight has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off and I usually spend at least one of those days with him. Well that happy time is over. I got the breastfeeding peer counselor job with WIC and I start training tomorrow.
Today was the last of his "weekends" that I will get to spend with him. I am upset enough about it that I cried when he left my house after dinner and a movie a little bit ago. I really cherish the time that I get to spend with just him and I am really sad to see it go. He may switch schedules later so that he can have one actual weekend day off, but right now that isn't on the menu.
I know that when I move in with him in March, it will be better because I will get to end every night with him, but right now it just really sucks.
Swt
Today was the last of his "weekends" that I will get to spend with him. I am upset enough about it that I cried when he left my house after dinner and a movie a little bit ago. I really cherish the time that I get to spend with just him and I am really sad to see it go. He may switch schedules later so that he can have one actual weekend day off, but right now that isn't on the menu.
I know that when I move in with him in March, it will be better because I will get to end every night with him, but right now it just really sucks.
Swt
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Breastfeeding is Great for Everyone, Except Your Sex Life
I love breastfeeding my son and I am not planning on stopping until he wants to stop. That being said, I do miss the fun I used to have with my boobs.
A few days after I turned 18, Psycho Knight and I got our nipples pierced together. At this time he was my male best friend that I was also sleeping with. That was pretty much when I realized that my boobs did some amazing things.
When I was in the hospital having Peanut I had to take all of my body jewelry out and I forgot to put my nipple rings back in for a few days. After I finally did try to put them back in they were closed in the center. PK still has his though.
So last night I spent the night with PK and we were fooling around. I bit his nipple so he, in a moment of non-clarity, decided to bite mine. And got sprayed in the mouth.
Needless to say, kind of ruined the moment. This is not the first time something like this has happened. A few months ago before PK and I were together someone grabbed and got sprayed.
Somehow, guys don't really get the whole "milk comes out of these" thing.
The moral of this story, is that lactating boobs are not the best play things and that when your partner forgets that, it can really ruin a sexy moment. Don't get me wrong, we had a good laugh and it's another inside joke between us.
That's all for tonight kids.
Swt
A few days after I turned 18, Psycho Knight and I got our nipples pierced together. At this time he was my male best friend that I was also sleeping with. That was pretty much when I realized that my boobs did some amazing things.
When I was in the hospital having Peanut I had to take all of my body jewelry out and I forgot to put my nipple rings back in for a few days. After I finally did try to put them back in they were closed in the center. PK still has his though.
So last night I spent the night with PK and we were fooling around. I bit his nipple so he, in a moment of non-clarity, decided to bite mine. And got sprayed in the mouth.
Needless to say, kind of ruined the moment. This is not the first time something like this has happened. A few months ago before PK and I were together someone grabbed and got sprayed.
Somehow, guys don't really get the whole "milk comes out of these" thing.
The moral of this story, is that lactating boobs are not the best play things and that when your partner forgets that, it can really ruin a sexy moment. Don't get me wrong, we had a good laugh and it's another inside joke between us.
That's all for tonight kids.
Swt
Friday, January 7, 2011
This is What Unconditional Love Looks Like
My aunt by choice, not blood, and I have been though a lot these last few months. We will call her Tutu, by the way. Tutu was with Arkansas for 6 years and was friend with him for at least a year before that.
Well as you all know, I left Baby Daddy in October. What you don't know is what really put into motion my leaving him. When I went to spend the weekend with Tutu in Arkansas (hints Arkansas's name, I'm not very creative sometimes), Tutu and AR had just broken up. Now, I'd had a crush on AR for a long time and with all the fighting with BD, I was desperate for a lot of things. One of those things being sex. You can fill in the blanks from there.
Well, Tutu found out and was angry with me and him for obvious reasons. There was a lot of feeling bad and crying on my part and a lot of hurt on hers. Since this isn't really about AR, we are pretty much going to leave him out of this.
I felt bad because my loyalty should have been with my aunt and I put my needs over hers and because I had hurt Will. She was hurt because she had been betrayed by two of the people she loved most.
Months later we have all mostly moved on. I can call my aunt my aunt again and I have still managed to maintain a friendship with AR. Tutu has a new fiance and I have an amazing boyfriend.
She told me something today that made me want to write this post. She said "What happened between us does NOT change my love for you at all." It amazes me that after all the hell she went through, she still loves me. That is really want unconditional love is. I am not related to her in any way at all, but she chose to still love me and my son like we are a part of her family.
I love you Tutu.
Swt
Well as you all know, I left Baby Daddy in October. What you don't know is what really put into motion my leaving him. When I went to spend the weekend with Tutu in Arkansas (hints Arkansas's name, I'm not very creative sometimes), Tutu and AR had just broken up. Now, I'd had a crush on AR for a long time and with all the fighting with BD, I was desperate for a lot of things. One of those things being sex. You can fill in the blanks from there.
Well, Tutu found out and was angry with me and him for obvious reasons. There was a lot of feeling bad and crying on my part and a lot of hurt on hers. Since this isn't really about AR, we are pretty much going to leave him out of this.
I felt bad because my loyalty should have been with my aunt and I put my needs over hers and because I had hurt Will. She was hurt because she had been betrayed by two of the people she loved most.
Months later we have all mostly moved on. I can call my aunt my aunt again and I have still managed to maintain a friendship with AR. Tutu has a new fiance and I have an amazing boyfriend.
She told me something today that made me want to write this post. She said "What happened between us does NOT change my love for you at all." It amazes me that after all the hell she went through, she still loves me. That is really want unconditional love is. I am not related to her in any way at all, but she chose to still love me and my son like we are a part of her family.
I love you Tutu.
Swt
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sleeping Alone
I haven't slept alone since the night before I had Peanut; we were co-sleepers and it was the most perfect sleep situation I could have ever imagined for our family. It was perfect until I left Baby Daddy. I had no qualms about sleeping with BD and Peanut, it was nice and safe and warm. When I left him that changed because it meant that I was the only one in the bed for Peanut to snuggle with and keep him warm. I knew that we would probably be switching him over to his bed in the near future.
When I started seeing Psycho Knight again I knew that it was time for Peanut to be able to sleep on his own. I feel bad making PK share his bed with me and the baby, but on a much more selfish level, I want to snuggle with PK and actually be able to sleep with and spend time with him alone in the bed. Co-sleeping and a sex life can work, but I think it can pretty much only work if you are sleeping with the child's father. I need to be able to put Peanut in his bed in his room so that I can get some. I also feel bad that BD can't sleep with Peanut and this other guy would be, I think that is totally unfair.
Last week I started Peanut off sleeping in his own bed and the first night he only woke up twice and went back to sleep fairly easily. I have been sleeping in the same room as him on the daybed. Tonight I think I am going to go back to sleeping in my bed. I know that the minute he wakes up I will be awake and I know that being in my own room and my own bed won't change that. It will be hard transiting my thoughts about that bed because for the last 7 months I have referred to it as "our" bed, but now it is all mine again. Peanut will always be welcome in my bed and my arms though.
Swt
When I started seeing Psycho Knight again I knew that it was time for Peanut to be able to sleep on his own. I feel bad making PK share his bed with me and the baby, but on a much more selfish level, I want to snuggle with PK and actually be able to sleep with and spend time with him alone in the bed. Co-sleeping and a sex life can work, but I think it can pretty much only work if you are sleeping with the child's father. I need to be able to put Peanut in his bed in his room so that I can get some. I also feel bad that BD can't sleep with Peanut and this other guy would be, I think that is totally unfair.
Last week I started Peanut off sleeping in his own bed and the first night he only woke up twice and went back to sleep fairly easily. I have been sleeping in the same room as him on the daybed. Tonight I think I am going to go back to sleeping in my bed. I know that the minute he wakes up I will be awake and I know that being in my own room and my own bed won't change that. It will be hard transiting my thoughts about that bed because for the last 7 months I have referred to it as "our" bed, but now it is all mine again. Peanut will always be welcome in my bed and my arms though.
Swt
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
"Love Life" Has a Whole New Meaning
Usually when I talk about you "love life" I am referring actually to your sex life. As I have said before, they are different. But the term "love life" is taking on a whole new meaning for me.
Since I started "dating" Psycho Knight my definition of love has been flipped all around and turned inside out. I have loved him as my best friend for years but always kept him pushed back a little bit so that I couldn't fall for him. I hate falling in love and it scares me, but this time is different; this time I want to fall for him and I get excited every time I notice myself getting in deeper with him.
My "love life" now involves wanting to spend all of my time with PK and missing him terribly when I can't be with him. He works until at least 9 every night so I only get to really see him on his days off so it's kind of hard. I have never been with someone that I wanted to spend every waking moment with. It hurts so bad every time I have to leave him and go back home; I'm starting to run out of reasons why I shouldn't move in with him.
I'm holding off for now because I need to get everything settled with Baby Daddy and get myself squared away, but as soon as I fulfill my list of requirements, I am so there!
Our relationship is an open one and I like it that way for now but I know that as we progress and I get more comfortable commiting myself to him that the status will change.
Love you guys.
Swt
Since I started "dating" Psycho Knight my definition of love has been flipped all around and turned inside out. I have loved him as my best friend for years but always kept him pushed back a little bit so that I couldn't fall for him. I hate falling in love and it scares me, but this time is different; this time I want to fall for him and I get excited every time I notice myself getting in deeper with him.
My "love life" now involves wanting to spend all of my time with PK and missing him terribly when I can't be with him. He works until at least 9 every night so I only get to really see him on his days off so it's kind of hard. I have never been with someone that I wanted to spend every waking moment with. It hurts so bad every time I have to leave him and go back home; I'm starting to run out of reasons why I shouldn't move in with him.
I'm holding off for now because I need to get everything settled with Baby Daddy and get myself squared away, but as soon as I fulfill my list of requirements, I am so there!
Our relationship is an open one and I like it that way for now but I know that as we progress and I get more comfortable commiting myself to him that the status will change.
Love you guys.
Swt
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Love is...
I said that after my post about sex, I would write one about love. So here it is. Love is an interesting subject for me because I don't love in a healthy way. I do not fall in love easily, but when I decide that I am going to let someone in, I fall fast and hard. That tends to get me into trouble.
My first serious boyfriend, The Red Head, is an amazing guy. Unfortunately, I met him right before I started having anxiety and depression issues and right before he got depressed. We enabled each other to be depressed and wallow in our own self pity. We were "together" for most of either grade and about half of our freshmen year. At the begining of that school year he lost it and was hospitalized and he never came back to my school. He was my first really love.
The next one, Joker, I met the summer after freshmen year and was with him until the December after I graduated, so 2 and a half years. He was 4 years older than me and had a lot of his own issues. As our relationship progressed, he became increasingly abusive. We used to get into fist fights on a weekly basis, its amazing that I never really had any marks from him. I thought I loved him because he told me that he loved me. I was 15 and really didn't know that the relationship was extremely unhealthy until it was too late and I felt like I couldn't leave because he had a lot of power over me.
There is some overlap between guys at this point. I graduated my junior year and was having an affair of sorts with Baby Daddy that entire year. We started dating about 4 months after Joker and I finally split. The unfortunate part of that is that we were just glorified fuck buddies until I got pregnant. Then we decided we had to make it work. It never did work and we fought all the time. While I was pregnant I wold go over there almost everyday and would almost always leave crying. He would say things that he knew would upset me and toy with my emotions. Finally one day after not doing the shit I needed him to do, we got in a fight and he got in my face. That was my breaking point. I can't be with someone willing to scare me like that.
So here we are now. Psycho Knight was one of Joker's friends and I ended up keeping him in the break up. Shortly after I left Joker I found my way into PK's bed and he was my lover for a few months before I started dating Baby Daddy. He quickly became my male best friend and we all knew that I would be with him if or when BD and I broke up. Now we are in "an open relationship" while I continue to get my shit together and get back into the right head space.
So what about love? Love is terribly complicated for me. I love a lot of people; I really don't have friends, I have family that is not blood. If I love someone I don't let go of them if I can avoid it.
I have loved a lot of people in an emotional and physical way, but I have only been "in love" a few times and all of those times have gotten me hurt in more ways than one. I am still very close with most of my former and current sexual partners and I would even go on to say that many of them I truly do love. There are some that are just people that I happened to sleep with.
I'm still learning what a healthy loving relationship involves. I know that it will never be prefect, but I think that I should want to hug and kiss someone more than I want to scream and yell at them. I'm getting there.
Swt
My first serious boyfriend, The Red Head, is an amazing guy. Unfortunately, I met him right before I started having anxiety and depression issues and right before he got depressed. We enabled each other to be depressed and wallow in our own self pity. We were "together" for most of either grade and about half of our freshmen year. At the begining of that school year he lost it and was hospitalized and he never came back to my school. He was my first really love.
The next one, Joker, I met the summer after freshmen year and was with him until the December after I graduated, so 2 and a half years. He was 4 years older than me and had a lot of his own issues. As our relationship progressed, he became increasingly abusive. We used to get into fist fights on a weekly basis, its amazing that I never really had any marks from him. I thought I loved him because he told me that he loved me. I was 15 and really didn't know that the relationship was extremely unhealthy until it was too late and I felt like I couldn't leave because he had a lot of power over me.
There is some overlap between guys at this point. I graduated my junior year and was having an affair of sorts with Baby Daddy that entire year. We started dating about 4 months after Joker and I finally split. The unfortunate part of that is that we were just glorified fuck buddies until I got pregnant. Then we decided we had to make it work. It never did work and we fought all the time. While I was pregnant I wold go over there almost everyday and would almost always leave crying. He would say things that he knew would upset me and toy with my emotions. Finally one day after not doing the shit I needed him to do, we got in a fight and he got in my face. That was my breaking point. I can't be with someone willing to scare me like that.
So here we are now. Psycho Knight was one of Joker's friends and I ended up keeping him in the break up. Shortly after I left Joker I found my way into PK's bed and he was my lover for a few months before I started dating Baby Daddy. He quickly became my male best friend and we all knew that I would be with him if or when BD and I broke up. Now we are in "an open relationship" while I continue to get my shit together and get back into the right head space.
So what about love? Love is terribly complicated for me. I love a lot of people; I really don't have friends, I have family that is not blood. If I love someone I don't let go of them if I can avoid it.
I have loved a lot of people in an emotional and physical way, but I have only been "in love" a few times and all of those times have gotten me hurt in more ways than one. I am still very close with most of my former and current sexual partners and I would even go on to say that many of them I truly do love. There are some that are just people that I happened to sleep with.
I'm still learning what a healthy loving relationship involves. I know that it will never be prefect, but I think that I should want to hug and kiss someone more than I want to scream and yell at them. I'm getting there.
Swt
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