Sleeping Alone

I haven't slept alone since the night before I had Peanut; we were co-sleepers and it was the most perfect sleep situation I could have ever imagined for our family. It was perfect until I left Baby Daddy. I had no qualms about sleeping with BD and Peanut, it was nice and safe and warm. When I left him that changed because it meant that I was the only one in the bed for Peanut to snuggle with and keep him warm. I knew that we would probably be switching him over to his bed in the near future.

When I started seeing Psycho Knight again I knew that it was time for Peanut to be able to sleep on his own. I feel bad making PK share his bed with me and the baby, but on a much more selfish level, I want to snuggle with PK and actually be able to sleep with and spend time with him alone in the bed. Co-sleeping and a sex life can work, but I think it can pretty much only work if you are sleeping with the child's father. I need to be able to put Peanut in his bed in his room so that I can get some. I also feel bad that BD can't sleep with Peanut and this other guy would be, I think that is totally unfair.

Last week I started Peanut off sleeping in his own bed and the first night he only woke up twice and went back to sleep fairly easily. I have been sleeping in the same room as him on the daybed. Tonight I think I am going to go back to sleeping in my bed. I know that the minute he wakes up I will be awake and I know that being in my own room and my own bed won't change that. It will be hard transiting my thoughts about that bed because for the last 7 months I have referred to it as "our" bed, but now it is all mine again. Peanut will always be welcome in my bed and my arms though.

Swt